Bank Bryan Cave » Humor

Case-Shiller Home Price Index as a Rollercoaster

Rob Klingler — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 14:04:40 +0000

View the inflation adjusted Case-Shiller home price index as if you were riding the chart on a roller coaster. The last ten years has certainly been a wild ride.

Latest Opponent to Banking Industry – Darth Vader

Rob Klingler — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 21:00:10 +0000

2010 has been a rough year for many banks. Continued economic malaise, stagnant (at best) real estate values, harsh regulatory examinations, compliance with enforcement actions and the political battle over regulatory reform has caused many sleepless nights in the industry. However, on July 22, 2010, things appear to have gotten even worse for the industry, as the Empire started its ground war against banks.

As seen in the image below, Darth Vader, presumably in an effort to obtain funds to complete the latest Death Star, robbed a bank branch in New York on the morning of July 22, 2010.

Based on news reports, it appears the Force may be running low in this Sith lord, as Darth Vader felt it necessary to bring a handgun to the robbery. Rebel Alliance security forces have been unsuccessful so far in apprehending Darth Vader, but it appears no one was physically injured.

(Via: Gothamist.)

TARP Plan B

Rob Klingler — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:39:45 +0000

The Peabody award-winning Onion News Network provides this exclusive look at the administration’s latest plan to save the U.S. economy.

If unsuccessful (despite the testimonials), we expect the Treasury’s next move may be to “Get Cash Now” through conversion of the TARP preferred structured settlements using JG Wentworth.

An Internet Guide to TARP

Rob Klingler — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 20:47:12 +0000

I don’t know where this originated from, but I’ve received it from multiple sources and laughed each time. I hope you enjoy this pictorial take on the Troubled Asset Relief Program (click on the picture for the full set).

As a side note, the pictures appear to be the newest iteration of an internet hoax.

Happy Thanksgiving Week

Katherine Koops — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 23:38:03 +0000

First, a couple new jokes:

Q. What giant beasts are currently stalking the financial markets?
A. TARPosaurus and T-Reas.

Q. What is their favorite meal?
A. Lame duck.

Q. What’s the next car coming off the U.S. assembly line?
A. The new GMC TARP…gets one mile per 25 billion gallons.

And just in time for Thanksgiving—a simple potluck dish that’s easy to make and feeds billions.

TARP Casserole

Mix 1% to 3% of everything you own in a large bowl.
Sift contents through regulatory strainer.
Deduct up to 500,000 cups of executive compensation.
Whip thousands of bankers, lawyers and analysts into a frenzy and blend in.
Garnish with shredded cash.
Bake at 250 billion degrees to desired degree of doneness.

Makes enough to lend to your neighbors. Goes great with Warrant Surprise.

TARP Jokes

Katherine Koops — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 19:27:52 +0000

Q. What did Treasury use to put the Capital Purchase Program together?
A. Duct TARP.

Q. What do you call a bank that’s been turned down by Treasury?
A. TARPooned!

Q. What is a banker’s favorite breakfast food?
A. PopTARPs.

Q. What do you use to remove a bad loan from your books?
A. TARPentine.

Q. Knock Knock
A. Who’s There?
Q. TARP
A. [DOOR SLAMMED IN FACE]

Last Minute Halloween Costume

Rob Klingler — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 19:57:38 +0000

Get a dropcloth or old tablecloth
Put it over your head
Pin a dollar bill to the front (or make a fake $700-billion dollar bill)
Now you’re the TARP program.

Warning #1: If you’re attending a party with non-bankers/non-lawyers, people may just think you’re a ghost with your cab fare pinned to you in case you get drunk.

Warning #2: Once you tell them who you are, you may find yourself in the “nerd corner” having an exclusive party of your very own.