2010 has been a rough year for many banks. Continued economic malaise, stagnant (at best) real estate values, harsh regulatory examinations, compliance with enforcement actions and the political battle over regulatory reform has caused many sleepless nights in the industry. However, on July 22, 2010, things appear to have gotten even worse for the industry, as the Empire started its ground war against banks.
As seen in the image below, Darth Vader, presumably in an effort to obtain funds to complete the latest Death Star, robbed a bank branch in New York on the morning of July 22, 2010.
We’ve identified a number of stories that or posts that never quite made it into individual BankBryanCave.com posts. Rather than continuing to hold on to them, I’ve assembled them here.
The Simpsons
The Peabody award-winning Onion News Network provides this exclusive look at the administration’s latest plan to save the U.S. economy.
If unsuccessful (despite the testimonials), we expect the Treasury’s next move may be to “Get Cash Now” through conversion of the TARP preferred structured settlements using JG Wentworth.
I don’t know where this originated from, but I’ve received it from multiple sources and laughed each time. I hope you enjoy this pictorial take on the Troubled Asset Relief Program (click on the picture for the full set).
As a side note, the pictures appear to be the newest iteration of an internet hoax.
First, a couple new jokes:
Q. What giant beasts are currently stalking the financial markets?
A. TARPosaurus and T-Reas.
Q. What is their favorite meal?
A. Lame duck.
Q. What’s the next car coming off the U.S. assembly line?
A. The new GMC TARP…gets one mile per 25 billion gallons.
And just in time for Thanksgiving—a simple potluck dish that’s easy to make and feeds billions.
TARP Casserole
- Mix 1% to 3% of everything you own in a large bowl.
- Sift contents through regulatory strainer.
- Deduct up to 500,000 cups of executive compensation.
- Whip thousands of bankers, lawyers and analysts into a frenzy and blend in.
- Garnish with shredded cash.
- Bake at 250 billion degrees to desired degree of doneness.
Makes enough to lend to your neighbors. Goes great with Warrant Surprise.
Q. What did Treasury use to put the Capital Purchase Program together?
A. Duct TARP.
Q. What do you call a bank that’s been turned down by Treasury?
A. TARPooned!
Q. What is a banker’s favorite breakfast food?
A. PopTARPs.
Q. What do you use to remove a bad loan from your books?
A. TARPentine.
Q. Knock Knock
A. Who’s There?
Q. TARP
A. [DOOR SLAMMED IN FACE]
- Get a dropcloth or old tablecloth
- Put it over your head
- Pin a dollar bill to the front (or make a fake $700-billion dollar bill)
- Now you’re the TARP program.
Warning #1: If you’re attending a party with non-bankers/non-lawyers, people may just think you’re a ghost with your cab fare pinned to you in case you get drunk.
Warning #2: Once you tell them who you are, you may find yourself in the “nerd corner” having an exclusive party of your very own.